Driving, baldness and the serenity prayer

Today I had Caitlin drive me all over town. I have let her down. The boys all had their drivers license's on or around their 16th birthday. Caitlin will be 18 in August and still does not have a license. She is less mature than they were at her age and I can't allow any of my kids to drive a car unless I know they will be able to go out and come home safely. As a parent having your kids start driving alone is a BIG deal. I used to sit on pins and needles until I saw their headlights bobbing up and down my driveway coming home.

I promised Caitlin I would drive around with her until I felt she was safe (and others are safe) and work on getting her license by her HS graduation. Let me tell you something. If I have any hair on my head left it is by the grace of God. I have trained all 3 boys on driving and feel totally good when they are driving. Colton goes so damn slow/right at the speed limit I often wonder how he gets anywhere. :) Caitlin is so much better at driving than she was the last year. Much more mature. I feel ashamed actually that I have not taken the appropriate time before now to allow her the time she needs to feel comfortable in the car. She confessed to me that she feels so dumb/stupid/and "behind" when her peers ask her if she is driving yet and she has to sheepishly say "Noes". I did that. My lackadaisical attitude didn't afford her the extra time she obviously needed to be able to drive without a parent. I can of course say well, my Dad was dying, my sister died and I didn't have the energy. Sure, I could say that but I won't. It has been lack of parenting. David could have taken her but he is so impatient with her. This is the first time I have driven with her that I felt like she is close to being ready to get her drivers license. We didn't get in an argument and I actually looked around where we were driving instead of clenching my fists tight or arguing.

Colton sent me a picture of him on the Golden Gate Bridge.
He looks so handsome in his gorgeous shirt an tie.

He drove to Stanford for a psychology conference. Sounds like snooze-ville" to me so it is a good thing he didn't ask me to go. I'm proud of him and that he went on such a long road trip, stayed in a hotel etc. Got his own maps, made all of his own reservations etc. We have done a good job with him.

I have been thinking about this big house I live in a lot lately. How much I'm going to hate all the empty rooms. I want to move I think. I want to rent next time. I never know what is going to happen with David and where we may end up so I want to be able to move where my kids end up. (Hopefully not Timbuktu) I have never been in love with this house. It seems dark and dreary. I like the light. I feel better when it is brighter inside. There will be 3 bedrooms we don't use after September and the boys move out. I still would like to live in the country because I hate neighbors. The best neighbors in my opinion are the ones I don't know. LOL. I like to sit outside and feel like I'm in paradise. My doggies running around all through the grass and me swinging on my swing with a nice hot cup of coffee or a ice cold Diet Pepsi. That is heaven in my world. I moved here because I fell in love with the property. I'm still in love with the property but don't know how I will handle all the utter emptiness soon. Maybe it is time for us to make a change too. (Now all I have to do is broach the subject to David and get him to understand how i'm feeling)

Chase's fiancee, Mory and I have been planning the wedding.. Her mostly but I must say planning or lack of planning is very stressful. We have gotten into several small tiffs on the Internet. I realize now why. She doesn't know me well enough or at all. Everything I say she takes literally and I'm so easy. She doesn't know how easy I am. I have an idea of how I have dreamed of my kids wedding and she see's it a different way. When it comes right down to it, it is their wedding and they hold all the cards and it is my first lesson from my kids about "butting out." Ouch. Doesn't feel so good does it now? I have to remember that the wedding has no bearing on me really. I can cause dissension, I can push my ideas (like I usually do) or I can gracefully say "I will wear what you want me to wear, be where you want me to be and will do anything you ask. Point and I'll do it." That is not an easy task for me.. or for a Boulanger in general. We give orders, don't take them... Until now with my almost new daughter. With each new passing day I learn something new whether it be to "Butt out" or please help and to know the difference. I just realized there is a whole prayer about this. "God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference." Let's just say it is a work in progress.


ONE non related item I am going to throw in here. I loved homeschooling. My kids are smarter and faster and love their families. I would not change a thing about that.

I haven't had neighbors in probably 16 years. Well that is a lie actually, we had neighbors when we lived on Haviland. We had huge hedges between us and the houses were far away from each other. So, while there were neighbors in reality they minded their own business and we minded our own too. I'm going to exercise and watch the finale of Greys Anatomy. Until again... Ciao