Victorious day.

Had the most excellent day today. I got a lot of clarity. Clarity is a good thing. Let's us know where we stand and where others stand. Also let's us know when we are left standing alone. I got a lot of work done. WOOT WOOT. I got all the downstairs windows washed inside and out. Amazing how nice it is to look outside through clean windows. A whole new outlook.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy 3 shades of green paint to paint my new office. Yes, we decided not to put in any extra beds as in guest room. We hardly get any long term guests and if we had a real bed they might want to stay. LOL> My peeps will sleep with Colton. His room is half the house for Pete's sake. Anyways, My friend, Marty has an office of her own and it is gloriously green. 3 shades and I unabashedly plan to totally copy it. Then in the afternoons when we are chatting we are chatting in the same colored room. LOL Hokey I know. My favorite color is in fact green so it is a "no" brainer. Speaking of no brainer that is what I have been lately. No braining stuff. Just going through the motions. I had no idea how much I would miss Valentina and the joy she brought to my life. The good times that we had. Makes today seem rather sad so much has changed.

My father has been up a lot during the late nights. Moaning, talking etc. Seems like as soon as everyone gets quiet he starts up. It is all good tho.
He is my dad, I love him. He sits up with me and loves to watch the babies be born. He is good company most of the time. The moaning and with holding his pee until I hear every nuance of his latest UFO dream gets old but generally he has always been there for me. Through thick and thin and fat etc.

I have Been spending some quality time online with Sergio. I think the magnitude of what happened is sinking in and he is sadder than he thought possible. He is an orphan in every sense of the word. I will be an orphan when my dad dies. I'm 45 tho he is so much younger than I. I feel a deep, penetrating sorrow for him. He had the best Mom that God could find. She blessed him more than he will ever know. It was a blessing she bestowed upon me to have her want me to take care of her.

We have found that the dynamics in my house have changed so drastically since Cody launched out on his own. My house is so much more quiet, I'm more productive and now I'm actually counting the minutes until my hubby gets home. My dad is my best companion and Colton and Caiti are doing stuff together. It is still so new but exciting at the same time. Cody moved out. Good for him and good for us. We have a boy who feels like he can go it on his own and we "produced and made him." Two boys self sufficient. No one else is allowed to move out.

We (Actually I am ) mulling over the possibility of taking Caitlin on a cruise to Alaska in August for her 17th birthday. It really is my way of saying "sorry for not being what I should be to her". I'm so accutely aware of how everyone else took presidence over her. I want to spend quality time with her while she still wants to be with me. I've been a not so good Mom to her. I've basically sucked when it comes to her. She is my only daughter and I have treated her like an extra. I wonder if what I'm writing makes sense here. We do/did stuff but someone was always there too. Bonne, Serina, Christine, Erica, Erica. etc. I haven't treated her like a friend too. When I look into her eyes I feel sad. She deserves so much more from me. God gave me the answer to my prayers in having a daughter and I didn't cherish every minute of it. Boys are different, their needs are different.