Dad is out of CCU

Well today my dad is better. Go figure. I'm so sick and tired of (every day since Friday) the doctor's telling me he is "not doing well," "Not expected to make it". Perhaps we should talk feeding tubes. OMG. Then last night I made the "executive decision" and had them take off the mask (that is kind of like being intubated.) It forces air in and out of his lungs without the tubes. He was going crazy screaming and yelling with the mask on and it was about 3 AM and he was in restraints. Want to see heart break? Watch a loved one be restrained in hand restraints and then sit back and have to watch. Want to watch in horror as your father screams and sobs? He is very claustophobic. Bad disease. Well, I knew the mask was making him so crazy. Then add that to his hands being restrained and it makes for a sick time. So back to what I was talking about in the beginning of this. About 3 AM I decided I had watched my dad struggle with his restraints and scream his last words to me. We took off the mask and just put him on the nasal canula. He started to relax right away. Within a few hours he was speaking. Not coherently, mumbling quite a bit but still makes enough sense to be able to hear him call me a "Shit ass". Ha.

You know yesterday when he was lucid (about 10 hours after the feeding tube was discussed) we took off his breathing mask he sat up in bed and told me "I told you no intubation". I said "Right dad, didn't do intubation, you had a mask on". He thought for a minute and said to me and directly to me with direct eye contact "I thought you loved me?" I was shocked at this question. I do everything for him, little asshole. "I said Dad, I have not left you side since you got into the hospital" Little pause and then he said "Then you need to respect me." He was talking about the breathing machine. I was so happy that he made his wishes known to everyone. He is absolutely back. The doctor just came in (1 of the 3) and said it is a real miracle my dad. He was telling my Dad he didn't think he would make it through the night and was feeling sad for his family. Then much to his surprise my dad was up sitting in the bed and talking. I also told the people to quit doping him up. They were giving him 100mg of Haldol, xanax, alprazalam, and something I can't remember. I asked the doctor numerous times why so much medications? Worried about the build up? ETC.

Here is another thing I have been thinking/wondering about. Why is it that now that my dad is in the hospital everyone comes every day to see him. I'm telling you, I can not believe the people coming every day. These same people are crying all over my dad when they think his day is numbered. In reality, these same people have not been out to see my dad, sit and chat, take to lunch, call on the phone etc. Hope especially gets me. She has been here 2 of the nights he has been here. She sits and reads books while I take care of my dad. I think she is pretending she is not here or she is on vacation from the kids. When she does actually stand up she wrings her hands acting all concerned and tells me what to do. Unbelievable. I guess I should just be glad she is here sometimes so I'm not always alone. The other morning when we thought he was going to die I was left standing all alone. Standing freaking alone. I called Hope, no answer, Serina's cell went straight to voice mail. I finally called David at work and had him come and sit with me until the troops arrived. This experience has really left me bewildered.